I’m learning to love God again. Not religion mind you. God. It’s been a hard long road of angst between me and God. I didn’t really realize it until a few weeks ago. I had been rejecting his gentle tugs to my heart. Eerily I think for the last few years I’ve been rejecting God because of peer choices, business choices, and general anger towards God for my own shortcomings. Slowly I think I’m drawing nearer to him on a deeper level. We’ve always had a relationship but I haven’t had what I consider mountain moving faith in him in a long time. I want that, I need that. I want to feel that I can love deeper than ever and not worry about anything because he is there to hold me in his arms and love me for who I am. I want to love like a child, dream like child, and be able to move mountains. This takes faith and an ability to lay aside ones own selfish desires for the will of God. One of the reasons I took my very ‘outgoing’ personality of the web’s public sphere was to be able to better heal my heart and show the real me to people who I do care about. Sharing this is about being willing to change how I dream and what’s really important to me.
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